My Personal Testimony
I would like to let you know about something that has changed my life. It is the most important decision I have ever made, and it has made me see the world in a different light. First I need to tell you about what happened to me about eleven years ago, and how I came to the truth. God has opened up my eyes to so many things that I used to be blind to before I came to know Him. I would like to share those things with you because of the deception in our world today is great. Up until my late teen years, I was a church hopper. I would go from one church to another. I was searching for something, but I didn't know why. I thought I was all right because that was pretty much what I had been taught all of my life. They told me: “All you have to do is accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior and you’re saved.” So that was what I believed for the longest time, but I still felt like there was something missing. As a result, I turned to the things of the world to try to find satisfaction, but no matter what, I still felt empty. I didn't understand what was going on, or why I felt this way.
Being abandoned by my own father, and dealing with some serious issues at home during my childhood, I never really learned how to show love or to receive it from others who weren’t close to me. I was taught a false concept and didn’t really learn how to address others properly. In the midst of that, I believed that I could still find that special someone who would love me wholeheartedly. To my disappointment, I found that the world didn’t have what I was looking for. I had even developed feelings for someone who ended up abandoning me in favor of someone else. I was crushed! As a result, I started hurting myself because I felt I wasn't worth anything to anyone, but I was. I had already been shown that! Here is how!
My Experience with God before I Came To the Truth
After all of the feelings of worthlessness that came upon me from the world, I began to take a trip down to memory lane. Four years prior, at the age of 14-years-old, I began to pray and seek God every day, when I woke up in the morning, on my way to school, while I was at school, in the evening when I got home, when I went to bed at night, and even in the middle of the night, etc. I sought His face, and something very unusual began to take place. I began to hear the audible voice of God speak to me at different times, and when I least expected it. I will never forget this. One morning when I woke up, I began to pray as always and suddenly the Lord spoke to me. He said to me “Sonya, I love you.” I felt it on my chest each time he spoke to me. It was as plain as day. I was shocked that God would even speak to me, that I could feel him speaking to me. There were a couple of other experiences I had just like that. I will never forget them. In a world that told me I was worth nothing, I was told by God himself what I was worth to Him. That was the very thing that put a smile upon my face they couldn’t take away. He was the very reason I had self-confidence, and love for whom God created me to be. And yet I felt the world pulling at me and pressuring me to conform to this certain image. I began to see the world’s mindset on what was thought to be attractive, and I fell into the enemy’s trap and snare. I felt I had to wear makeup in order to look better. One morning, as I put it on, God began to convict me about it. No preacher behind a pulpit ever told me it was wrong. Nobody I knew at the time ever taught me that it was wrong. So I thought it was strange that God would convict me about this.
God's Beauty Ideal vs The World's
I thought about it, but then I just brushed if off my shoulder. I just wasn’t ready to give it up. But what I didn’t realize is what I would be faced with in my life ahead as a result of that. Years later after I gave into the pressure to reflect “The Image” of the world’s mindset of beauty, I would ask myself “Can I ever measure up to this? Can I ever be good enough?” I knew it was a game that I could never win. Yet I would put on a face every day so that I could feel good about the way that I looked, and not be embarrassed. It got to the point where I could not leave my house without makeup. I was insecure and miserable! It was a prison for me, and I did not know how to overcome it. I lived in it, I slept in it. I felt ugly without it.
The bondage of Fear
Ever since I was a little girl, I always struggled with fear and anxiety. I was afraid to be alone, and yet I was afraid of people. Since youth I had seen my mother go through one abusive relationship after another. I would also become the abused victim in ways I cannot mention. I was terrified and shut myself off from people. I did not let anyone get close to me. I also lived in fear and anxiety every day of my life. My mother would try and tell me “It’s just a chemical imbalance”, but I thought to myself, “How could I possibly bring myself to such fear and torment?”
My Previous Religious Experience Before I Came To